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I couldn't sleep one night and got out my pen and paper and these words just poured out of me in a matter of minutes. It was written as a poem. It is very rare that I will write a song from this format. Normally I will sit down at the piano to get my song ideas. I will mess around with a few chords or a run of some sort and then my lyrics will come from that. But in this case I took this odd poem I wrote the night before and sat down at the piano to put it to music. It fell together almost magically as most of my songs do. There were some transitions in the song I struggled with but then surrendered to them. The song slows down for the bridge and then speeds back up. This is symbolic to the journey of life and reflection. I decided rather than keeping it all the same beat I would allow it to be what it is! A song of surrender!
Many of us find ourselves at one time or another losing everything, or so it seems. We walk away from our past with only the clothes on our back and what is inside of us. This is where we find that what is left, that which is within, is really all there is. This is a common thing that happens in divorce. I didn't write this song about a literal divorce, as I was never married, but it was about a separation from a life I had been living for quite some time. I had sunk into that life and anchored myself there. Suddenly with the guidance of Spirt, I found myself thrust back out into the world, away from what was comfortable, and known to me. When I knew I had to leave that situation I felt a fight coming on! It was the typical fight for possessions, money, and all those material things that our society puts so much value on. Part of me wanted to fight because I felt I deserved to have what was rightfully mine. Yet the other part of me knew I just didn't have a fight left in me, and I walked away. My walking away was a surrender! It was my way of saying "take everything! It doesn't matter to me anymore! What matters is my heart, my soul, my sanity! I hope you find happiness in this material reality and I hope it is worth the destruction that was created in this relationship!" Yes there is an anger here! There is an anger because it hurts to see a love destroyed in a fight for possessions. Love changes, people change, we move on, but do we have to destroy the love? Can't we continue to love each other, even though the relationship changes? I think this is where the real pain comes from. It comes from knowing that all those years of living closely with someone, loving them, caring about them can be transformed into a darkness I hope I never have to experience again! Love becomes hatred overnight and everything that ever meant anything becomes meaningless. I believe in love! And...when everything's been taken and there's nothing left to fight for, maybe that is when we return to what really matters; our ability to love and be loved. |
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Everything is a song of surrender and self-realization. It is about letting go of material possessions in favor of the spiritual journey, the journey back to the self. Of course it originated from an inharmonious relationship experience and the lessons I have learned from it.